ABOUT THE AUTHOR,  Personal Thoughts

Thank God I Found You

Have you ever been in a state of desolation, became so used to it until you got numb to feeling any kind of emotion? No happiness, no sadness, no pain, no regret. No nothing. Just pure emptiness. Because it is easier to shut it off than to feel and get hurt over and over again. 

I hope it was just depression coated with flowery words, but it’s not. It’s worse than that. At least with depression, there’s a spike of anger or sadness from time to time. But for months, I did not feel that. I was just like a robot with a heartbeat.   

I would give up everything before I’d separate myself from you

After so much suffering

I finally found unvarnished truth

I was all by myself for the longest time

So cold inside



It may not seem too obvious but I’ve been in that situation a few months ago. I know the year 2020 has been such a challenging year for all of us. Unfortunately for me though, it has greatly shaken all aspects of my life that it drifted me into oblivion. 

A failed relationship and the untimely death of my father on top of my overly-demanding day job, a few side hustles, and of course, the “COVID anxiety”, was a real nightmare combo I tried to wake myself from. Only to get disappointed.

But I realized I never threw myself in such state in an instant. It was a constant exercise of restricting too many emotions over the years. I just grew thinking about how emotions can make someone weak. And so it became an unconscious chore to be in control as much as possible. 

Being unemotional was one of my “secrets to success and survival”. With utter calmness and control, I was able to achieve whatever I have now. I literally hustled my way through life — unemotionally.

I was so busy chasing the things I thought I needed. I always burned the midnight oil to the point of overlooking other things — things that are more important than money. I was so engaged with the tasks on hand that I forgot to live. 

Until everything has gone overboard and my “full of beans” self went south. Flipping my emotional switch became so easy, I wasn’t even surprised how I managed to do that.

I became dysfunctional. Getting up the bed was so hard to do. Nothing seemed to stimulate my senses — not even memes.

Until recently, I was so ready to get back on track, carrying my unemotional self with me. 

And the hurt from the heartache would not subside

I felt like dying

Until you saved my life



But someone came and pulled me out of the darkness. Cheesy as it may sound but the story of how we met is probably the most twisted tale anyone can think of. But I won’t leave every detail of it. Sorry. 🙈😜

He came at the time when I was trying to get my sh*t altogether and thought I never needed anyone. He said the words I didn’t want to hear but I needed. He made me do things I never thought I would but I did — in a good way though. 

The catch, however, is he’s the most emotional person I’ve ever met. The exact opposite of my unemotional self. It even went to a point when all I wanted was to cut him off. He literally had me at my worst. But he stood still. 

And in just a flick, he managed to flip the switch. I’m just so grateful he did not give up that early. For choosing to work things out. For making me realize the importance of keeping balance. For accepting me for who I am and for who I’m not.

He became an instrument for me to find myself.

Thank God I found you

I was lost without you



Over time, I realized he’s one of the most amazing people I’ve ever met so far. He’s like a real-life Pinocchio who values honesty above anything else. This quality inspired me to confront myself with honesty, which in turn propelled me to rekindle the personal relationships I once lost. Most importantly, I was able to reconnect with myself. My true self. The one with emotions. It felt like I became human again, for the longest time.

I became a real human being not just because of the way I feel for him but also because of the way I feel about myself and for others. He encouraged me to find balance in everything. And for the very first time in my whole life, it just felt like my homeostasis level became normal.

My every wish and every dream somehow became reality

When you brought the sunlight

Completed my whole life

I’m overwhelmed with gratitude

‘Cause baby I’m so thankful I found you



I can go on telling things of how amazing this person is but those are just one of his endearing qualities. And even if things will not work out for both of us in the future, which I hope will never happen, I am still forever grateful he came. I’ve never been so sure of anyone like this before. 

I always thought being emotional is a sign of weakness but it turned out to be the exact opposite. Just imagine the amount of courage it takes to express how you feel. Just don’t overdo it to the point of being apprehensive. Remember: BALANCE.

See I was so desolate before you came to me

Looking back

I guess it shows that we were destined to shine over the rain to appreciate the gift of what we have

And I’d go through it all over again to be able to feel this way



So this is me, lowering my guard to serve everyone a lesson. I hope this may reach someone who is undergoing the same phase I did. 

Somebody out there is waiting for you. But no, it doesn’t have to be another person. It can also be the people who are there all along but you chose to ignore. It can be your family, friends, or yourself. 

Yes, YOU. 

Because no matter how hard other people will try to save you, they can’t. ONLY YOU can save yourself. Allow yourself to be found. Allow yourself to be loved. Allow yourself to rise up again and again. Allow yourself to feel. Embrace your humanity. But then again, always try to keep the balance in everything. 

Aside from the man who flipped my switch, I would like to dedicate this post to everyone who was there at my worst. To my family and friends, thank you for your constant support. Thank you for sharing your light while I’m in the darkness so I could reach the end of the tunnel and see my own light. 

Also, many thanks to the song that inspired me to write this one. “Thank God I Found You” cover by BuDaKhel x Kat

Cheers to all the silent battles you’ve won. I’m proud of you!

With love and light, 

Sheila

Sheila is a civil engineer by profession but has switched careers to become a copywriter. She loves making sales through stories that are relatable to the average person. She's also a sucker for memes and thinks she’s the funniest person in the world (even though she knows that’s not true). Her favorite drink is Kopiko Brown coffee, but she'll also take tea or beer if it's offered.

14 Comments

  • Shaun LovesYou

    Reading the journey you been through was inspiring, thanks for sharing with us your loyal readers.

    Just wanted to share, too, that I learned a lot from this website and I would also say “Thank God I found You”. The most important lesson I learned from this author’s biography is that without equilibrium, there will be chaos. On the emotional aspect, it is an essential and it is what make us human. No artificial intelligence can ever replicate that. Emotions play an important role in how we think and behave, it helps us become creative, productive, and unlock our certain potential peak. Many great artists, musicians, composers, and others have produced some masterpieces like Ludwig Van Beethoven, who composed the “Für Elise” for his “One Who Got Away.” With personal obstacles like being deaf and depressed, still, he stays positive, motivated, and moving forward despite the difficult times. I am rooting for this brave girl and I pray for our successful journey ahead. Best of luck!

    • Sheila

      I definitely agree with you. Emotions play an integral part in our lives and I never fully realized it until recently. Thank you so much for stopping by Shaun! Wishing you all the best!

  • Anjville - Travel Blogs and More

    I always believe that we need to have ourselves as a whole before we find ourselves in a relationship. One complements the other – I know it may sound ideal but this will make a lasting relationship. I also understand that we are not perfect, and along the way we feel down and depressed…the partner could fill-in that loneliness but we, alone, can always make ourselves better! This is an inspiring read!

    • Sheila

      Hey Anj!

      We actually share the same sentiments when it comes to that. I just feel so lucky that this person respected my boundaries and my healing process. We took the time to make ourselves whole again as two separate individuals before committing w/ each other. And we’re together because we both WANT it and not because we both NEED it.

      At the end of the day, true happiness always comes from ourselves, not the person we’re with. And as the old adage says, we cannot give what we do not have so it’s important to love ourselves first before we can love another.

  • Margaux

    Absolutely agree with your thoughts on this article.

    The following quotes were just a few that I recited whenever anxiety creeps in: “Keep moving forward”, “take one day at a time”, “I am the Master of my Fate, I am the Captain of my soul”.

  • Jojisilia Villamor

    Hi, Sheila, I visited this blog expecting an advice on financial investment. It would have been an easy read for me. Still, I’m glad I did. I work for the government trade department that serves businesses and consumers. I understand what you mean by ” balance.” I used to struggle with that in the “old” office culture. But ever since COVID19 toppled our work paradigm and management has since changed, I am enjoying my life…honestly. The lines between work and play has been blurred for me.

    • Sheila

      That’s something to be proud of, Joji! The pandemic somehow taught us to appreciate things that truly matter. Best of luck on your journey!

  • Armie Garde

    I am glad that you found a person who can journey with you, Sheila. In whatever relationship we find ourselves in, we must never forget our relationship with ourselves. We can never share with someone else something we don’t have. Thank you for this inspiring read, Sheila.

  • Roneth Politud

    Thank you for sharing these intimate and valuable lessons you learned Sheila. Reading this article made me reflect on the past year where I also was like a robot, living my day to day life without a purpose. I am grateful that I have an amazing support system. Going back home was a lot of help too since I can spend more time with my family.

    Also, I totally agree that only you can save yourself. During my formative years, I really took a lot of effort to know myself better. It helped me find the things, relationship, and passion that I deeply connect with.

  • Jullian Robin Sibi

    I’m glad that he pulled you out of the darkness you were in! I was in a similar situation almost a decade ago and I felt really really crappy at the time. Good thing someone did pull me out and even if I’m no longer with that someone, I’m at a better place as a person today.

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